Update

As many of you know I have dealt with anxiety and depression for many years. I have seen many therapists and psychologists over the years but have never really dealt with the issues. I avoided talking about the pain I was in and instead talked about the little things (well, they were painful, but not nearly as painful as the trauma I had went through as a child). I would bring up how this guy did this, or she said this, or my parents are.....I just went around and around and never would bring up the real reason why I was in therapy.

I have suffered through the pain for nearly 20 years and something had to change. It took me getting engaged and turning 30 to realize I needed help. I knew I couldn't get married and bring my troubles into the marriage. I didn't want our relationship to be centered around "my issues" so I decided it was time to deal with my pain and seek the help of a Therapist. Things were rough for awhile. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who understands and is very patient and loving! Thank the Lord for this!:) I am no where near healed yet...it's a process and it takes time. After feeling so down in the dumps and being "in the bottomless pit" for so long, I just couldn't take the sadness anymore and realized it's time to be HAPPY no matter what issues are going on.

I saw my new Psychatrist last Wednesday and it went very well. She asked me a lot of questions to get an idea of what I was dealing with. There are two things that I'm dealing with. 1) Depression/Anxiety and 2) Bipolar 2. This hit me pretty hard. I knew I had symptoms of Bipolar since it does run in my family, but never thought I would actually get diagnosed with it.

Bipolar II disorder (pronounced "bipolar two") is a form of mental illness. Bipolar II is similar to bipolar I disorder, with moods cycling between high and low over time.

However, in bipolar II disorder, the "up" moods never reach full-on mania. The less-intense elevated moods in bipolar II disorder are called hypomanic episodes, or hypomania.

A person affected by bipolar II disorder has had at least one hypomanic episode in life. Most people with bipolar II disorder also suffer from episodes of depression. (This is where the term "manic depression" comes from.)

In between episodes of hypomania and depression, many people with bipolar II disorder live normal lives.

So basically to sum it all up, Bipolar II is more depression than mania and this is what I experience most of the time. This is very treatable. My psychatrist, wants to first try to treat me for the anxiety and depression and see how I respond to the meds. If things are more intense and I'm having more manic moments, then the depression, then we switch to treating for Bipolar II. I have been on my current meds for about a week now and the side effects are pretty intense. The constent nausea, dizziness, and drowziness is rough to deal with, but I've got to give it about 3 three weeks to fully kick in. I'm hoping to feel better soon.

So, I'm finally starting to feel somewhat normal again. I feel more joy and even the little things are now bringing happiness in my life. It's going to be a process, but I'm glad I finally realized that it was time to change and get better so I could put the past behind me. I know I will never forget the painful things that have happened, but at least I will be able to accept what happened and be able to live a happy life regardless of what happened in the past.

Without my wonderful husband, family and friends, I don't know how I would get through this. I am so thankful to have such loving and caring friends! Thank you for your love and support!

I will have an update soon on my progress!

Feeling HAPPY today! :)